Travelling across the world is literally a part and parcel of the DJ lifestyle. Many DJs have to go through the grind of travelling umpteen times and sit in and out of flights, keep passing through airports and deal with the people there, which may not be the most pleasant thing to do after hours of working! Here, we have our very own Mark Sherry posting his very own amusing yet absolutely relatable list. We feel you Mark.
Something I wrote for fun the other day..here is my top 10 list of annoying types of people that I always encounter on planes and in airports on my travels!! 😜
1/ Smelly people – the most offensive of them all. There’s just absolutely no need! Even if you’ve been travelling all day and you’ve been sweating like a gorilla in a duffel coat, you can still take a few mins to freshen yourself up in the toilet!! Another bad odour thing: you know yourself when you’ve eaten something and it’s given you bad breath..so here’s a crazy idea, don’t talk right into my face, I don’t want your noxious dragon-breath fumes goin’ right up my nostrils, just go an eat some gum..cos you’re totally honkin’!!
2/ Backpack wearers – obviously terrorists are included, but even more annoying..people that have forgotten that they actually have one strapped to their back! They swing around talking to people in the queue totally forgetting about their temporary larger-than-normal size, completely oblivious to the fact that they’ve just sent you flying sideways when they turned around to talk to their mate behind them! Same applies to idiot trolley bag users that don’t retract the handles when they’re walking up the aisle on a plane..compact it you morons!!
3/ Loud talkers – when you’re trying to sleep on a plane in a cabin that’s been prepped for sleeping, as in lights have been dimmed, window shutters are down etc..but someone just has to have a deep and meaningful chat with their partner and talk about 20 decibels louder than any human being ever needs to..ever! Just SHUT YER FACE!!!!!
4/ Heathrow Airport security – not much of a description needed, you know the people I’m taking about..the 100ml brigade that think they’re police, the type that were bullied at school but now think they’ve had their calling in life, the type that think they are really important against our war on terror, that they are here for us all, to serve and protect..but all they do is severely annoy us, be really rude & obnoxious and bully old people that can’t fit all of their belongings into a tray properly. My toilet bag is see through, everything is less than 100ml, just step away from my bag, leave my bag alone – you TWATS!!
5/ Chatty people – the kind of people that are an absolute nightmare to end up sitting beside on a plane. Even though you’re lying there looking like death warmed up, watching a film with one eye open, deliberately facing away from them and basically looking very un-approachable..they are there, right beside you, watching you, watching your every move, looking down their nose at you as they pretend to read their book, just waiting for any kind of minute eye contact, just so that they can ask if you’re going home, going on holiday or going on a business trip…just leave me alone aarrgghhh!!!
6/ Aisle walkers – zombie-like people that decide to walk up and down the aisle for the whole journey, as if they’ve entered into some kind of mile-high marathon. Constantly bumping into you as they brush past your aisle seat, giving you stupid fake half-smiles that you can only deal with for 1 or 2 laps before you feel an overwhelming urge to rugby tackle their un-dead asses back into their seats and restrain them with several seatbelts!
7/ Faffers – the people that faff about, the ones that dilly-dally and hold you up in the aisle when you walk onto a plane, the ones that are walking around open-mouthed like stupid looking slow moving sloths as they try to work out where they’re sitting. They always have lots of bags, lots of stuff, more stuff than they’re allowed, more stuff that any normal human-being should ever need for travelling. They always struggle to pack their copious amounts of stuff into the overhead bins, it’s a challenge for them, they’re not intelligent enough to work it all out for themselves, cabin crew always need to get involved and help with their stuff. Faffers I hate you all..
8/ ‘Arm-rest tennis’ players – yes it is a thing, it’s when people in the middle seat constantly battle for that prime position on your shared arm-rest. Now I know that it takes two people to have a battle, I get that..but an arm-rest can be shared if there is a bit of compromise involved. I’ll take the back if you take the front, and vice-versa, but don’t casually try and steal the whole arm-rest as soon as I turn my back for 2 seconds!! These people also don’t seem to bother about skin touching skin. Personally I hate the feeling of a man’s arm hair continuously brushing against my own on a flight, so don’t growl at me when I knock your arm right off of the arm-rest and pretend it was an accident! Don’t be a space-invader with me, it never ends well..
9/ Chair shakers – a rare breed of dumb-ass people that can’t seem to grasp the fact that when they move, bang or shake the chair in front of them that it actually moves you as well! They use your headrest as a handle to lift themselves out of their chair and in the process pull your chair right back then let it go suddenly, catapulting your head back then forward like a school ruler pinging off a desk, waking you up in the process! Parents with kids are the worst, they can clearly see that their devil-child from hell is using the back of your chair as a punch bag and source of entertainment for the whole flight, but do absolutely nothing about it!!
10/ American Airlines – I hate you, that is all
Well, we hope you don’t have to encounter any of this anytime soon.
Check out the original post here: https://www.facebook.com/marksherrydj/posts/10154539613846046
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